The Funeral for the Dearly Departed

Posted on Thu Mar 12th, 2020 @ 7:43am by Major General Alan Masters & Commander Warrick Brown & Division Admiral Celeste Yamaguchi-Hobbs & Fleet Captain Torilla Yamaguchi & Grand Admiral April Yamaguchi & Colonel Brianna Hobbs & Master Sergeant Gunthar Werner & 1st Lieutenant McElroy Sternwald III & Lance Corporal Ta'zri Shalmar & Private 1st Class Tamara Harrak
Edited on on Thu Mar 12th, 2020 @ 7:44am

Mission: Mission 88: We Must have Bloody Noses and Crack'd Crowns
Location: B Kayor planet Surface
Timeline: 0900Hrs, June 9th, 2392

Commander Celeste Yamaguchi read the PADD she held in her hands, she frowned as she sighed. "Lt Colonel Brad Taylor gets a full honors funeral and he gets killed in a friendly fire incident. This is bullshit." the tall woman commented softly more to herself than anyone else. Celeste sighed softly as she tended to tire easily these days as she had just had a child just over twenty-four hours earlier.

She wanted to go to this party but her wife had not wanted her to come along, she was going to go anyway as she slipped into the area where the funeral was taking place before she slipped into a chair. Celeste spotted her wife nearby as she winked at her before she waved at her.

Celeste knew that her wife wasn't going to officiate this joke of a memorial service as her smile widened.

Lance Corporal Shalmar and Private Harrak were both assigned to the color guard. "Why are you here?" Shalmar asked Harrak.

"I got into trouble. I stole my father's uniform and started issuing orders to junior NCOs in Security. Would have worked if it wasn't for that sniveling weasel Reed." Harrak told her. "Why are you here?"

"I fell asleep during watch," Shalmar stated. "And it was Reed that ratted me out."

"Where is that little bootlicker anyways?" Harrak asked.

"Because of his vigilance, he was given a weeks pass." Snarled Shalmar.

At the head of the color guard was Lieutenant Sternwald. He had been making some money on the side by selling explosives to a Romulan operative. As a bonus, he got to sleep with her. It was mostly easy to smuggle out the explosives, he would just hid them in caskets until he was ready to deliver. As head of the color guard, it didn't raise any eyebrows whenever he would inspect a casket. Unfortunately, he had hidden a box of detonators in a casket.

The casket that was chosen for the funeral was damaged in transit to the planet so a new one was chosen. The one chosen is the one Sterwald hid the detonators in.

"Is Sterwald hung over?" Shalmar asked Harrak. "I can't tell. I'm not that familiar with humans."

"He looks really bad. He sweating bullets and looks like he is going to pass out. I almost feel sorry for him, almost." Harrak replied.

Celeste smiled as she regarded the two marine females chatting. "Psst ladies?" she commented as she regarded Shalmar and Harrak. "When we're finished. I need to borrow two marines for a time. I'm going to pick you two.. Don't worry. It won't be for anything stupid but I do need a little assistance with a minor project, Mind letting your sergeant know?" as she winked at both women.

"If it gets us out of doing this again, yeah. You just need to cover us in case Gunny Werner asks." Shalmar told Celeste.

"Consider yourselves covered." Celeste grinned at both women. "I'll talk to the Gunny after we finish here," she added. "Any ideas where Colonel Hobbs is?" she asked.

"The colonel is trying to slip out of this," Harrak told Celeste. "She didn't say that but she volunteered to take a shipment of munitions. Only junior officers or NCOs get stuck with that job."

"Alright color guard, fall in." Sternwald nervously told his marines. Harrak and Shalmar acted as pole bearers along with six other marines. They picked up the casket rather unevenly.

"Be careful!" Sterwald shouted in a fearful voice.

Celeste sat back and watched with high levels of amusement. "Goodbye Colonel Taylor, you ungrateful misogynistic fucking wanker," she muttered to herself with glee, she knew what sort of misery this rat bastard caused her wife and she was overjoyed the man was dead.

Raskar stared at the whole procession with a dull look on his face, partially thanks to the fact that he was drunk. Like anyone else around he absolutely hated Colonel Taylor, and if he had his way he would have disposed of the corpse by pouring gasoline on the body and setting it on fire. However he didn't get his way, so he took the next best thing.

Meanwhile, Aleksei Sergeyev was having a little fun trying out an Akurian atmospheric fighter aircraft. He had to admit, it was no spacecraft, but that didn't stop it from being a fun bird to fly. Of course, he also planned to be flying around when he knew brad Taylor's funeral would be occurring. So he decided to pay the marines a visit, by deliberately flying low over the funeral.

Private Bay Latard, whom himself was drunk, was startled by Sergeyev's plane flying so close to the funeral, causing him to trip over his own feet. The heavyset private fell to the floor with a loud smack, and in the process he tripped the other two marines on his side of the casket, which caused the casket to fall to the floor, making a lot of noise.

Sternwald saw the casket fall and his eyes opened wide. "No!" He screamed in a squeaky, shrill voice. He was shaking and sweating as nothing happened and he tried to regain his composure but his nervousness was evident.

Celeste watched in amusement as the casket hit the deck. She laughed softly as she watched the idiocy take place.

The pole bearers picked up the casket without any grace or cohesion. They eventually started to move again. The made it to the open grave without further incident. Slowly they lowered the casket in. Sternwald was hyperventilating during the process. The casket made it down safely. Sterwald breathed a huge sigh of relief.

The honor guard lined up to shoot a twenty-one gun salute with their PBX-37 laser guns. The PBX produced a beautiful but low powered ray of light. Normally a person can fire off a PBX-37 without incident. Sadly, one of the color guards had different ideas.

Danger Brymer wanted his laser to outshine the others. He tampered with the power settings to get a brighter burst. It could have worked if Danger Brymer knew anything about electronics.

The first volley was very spectacular and Brymer's laser shown of very bright. The second volley didn't go so well. Danger Brymer's PBX-37 started to arc blue bands of electricity and it was shocking him.

Brymer started screaming "Aghh.Aghh..Aghh.." as the electricity coursed through his thick body. The rest of the honor guard quickly moved away from him. Danger Brymer couldn't scream for help because his body was contorting from the continuous shocks. "Aghh...Aghh...Aghh..." He kept screaming.

Sergeyev smiled as he used his fighters camera to take pictures of Brymer's stupidity.

Harrak quickly picked up a shovel and snapped off the metal spade. She took the handle and pried the weapon away from Danger. She then threw the still blue arcing weapon into the open grave.

Sternwald shouted "Nooo!" and dived to stop the weapon from going in but it was too late as he saw the blue arcs disappear into the hole. A second later, all hell broke loose.

A huge explosion erupted from the grave as the blast shot up into the air. Everyone standing within five hundred yards was thrown off their feet. Several windows on nearby civilian shuttles were blown out. The sound deafened many people.

As people started to stand up, there was a new layer of dirt covering everything. Here and there were pieces of the casket. There was, however, nobody to be found.

Sergeyev had chosen the wrong moment to buzz the funeral. One moment he was making a pass over the funeral, the next moment a loud explosion went off, flinging a body in the air. Sergeyev tried to avoid it, however, Brad Taylor's body got caught on his right wing by his pants. The pilot cursed as he struggled with the control stick. His plane came within a meter of slamming into the dirt but he just managed to turn away and regain some altitude.

Celeste dove to the deck along with everyone else. "What the hell just happened!" she yelled at the top of her lungs as the marines began looking around right as two of them began shooting in random directions.

"Is there a medic nearby?" Harrak yelled.

Celeste kept her head down, she was stunned and she had lost her hearing in the explosion.

Raskar assumed they were under attack, so he got to his feet quickly and drew his sidearm, taking cover behind a parked vehicle. Numerous other marines and security also had their weapons drawn.

Hobbs showed up on the scene with a platoon of marines. She looked back at Bug. "Secure the perimeter and look for both aggressors and casualties." Bug nodded. "Celeste!" Brianna called out.

Celeste couldn't hear anything as she slowly lifted her head, just as she had seen Brianna do a few times. "Ohh fuck." she whimpered. "That... I can't hear anything." she touched her ear and found she was bleeding.

Meanwhile, twenty kilometers away from the funeral site, Hursk Vetor, April Yamaguchi, Melayna Kurunda, Nevanzi Jesko, and Corps General Alan masters were listening to a security briefing regarding the Borg situation on B kayor. Unfortunately, they had already been at the meeting from 30 minutes longer than they wanted to because Melayna Kurunda kept asking asinine questions. Even the Chief Security officer who was conducting the briefing was getting impatient with Melayna.

However unknown to any of them, Sergeyev had managed to shake Brad Taylor's body from the wing of his plane, tearing off the dead man's pants in the process. And though Sergeyev didn't intend to, he managed to drop Taylor's body right into the middle of the tent, where it landed on the snack table with a loud thump. The landing catapulted a bowl of Orange fruit punch all over Kurunda, and she screamed loudly in rage. Some of Taylor's blood splattered onto Hursk and several other bystanders.

Masters didn't see it coming, the body simply appeared inside the tent and drenched the idiot in orange punch. "Well. That was different." as he had managed to miss being drenched with the punch

April Yamaguchi wanted to cheer loudly, instead, she held her tongue as she watched the event before her turn from something that was putting her to sleep and was enough to numb her mind into something that was highly entertaining.

"Is this someone's idea of a joke," Hursk growled as she walked over to the corpse Brad Taylor.

Kurunda lost all her dignity, angrily she pointed at Taylor, " I want that man brought up on charges, NOW!."

"Good luck with that," Hursk replied as she checked Brad, " This man is dead." She then noticed the big phaser hole in the man's head. "Apparently he was murdered."

April Yamaguchi raised an eyebrow. "Murdered. Okay, we need a CSI down here to look this over then."

Kumirae gave the corpse a dubious look then tapped her combadge, calling the hospital security. "Hospital Security, I need a criminal investigator to come to my location As soon as possible."

The response was almost instant. A few minutes went by before the tent opened and in walked Master Warrant Officer Warrick Brown. He looked around. "Okay, who called?"

Fleet Admiral April Yamaguchi went over to him. "Right over here." she smiled.

"Okay, Admiral," Brown answered before he opened his kit. He began handing out PADD's to everyone in sight. "I'll need formal statements from all of you, thank you," he commented before he turned to the body. "Well, this is new." he sighed before he noticed the secretary of defense was in the middle of departing. "Ummm, Ma'am. Where are you going?" he inquired of her. "I'm sorry ma'am but your clothing is evidence," he explained. "I can have a change of clothing brought to you but I will need the clothing you are presently wearing."

Hursk Vetor looked at herself, noticing that her own uniform had blood spattered on it from the falling corpse. She ignored the fact that Melayna complained about having to give up her clothing.

Warrick Brown tapped his combadge and after outlining his request, had someone bring a change of clothing for the Defense Minister. "Ma'am. If you please"? he inquired before turning towards the other people. "Admiral." he regarded Hursk Vetor. "I'm afraid, I need yours too," he added. "My apologies. I can have a change brought for you too."

Hursk sighed and began to remove her clothing. "I've got fur, it's not a big deal."

Warrick nodded as he opened an evidence bag. "Thank you, Admiral. I'll try to get this cleaned up as fast as possible, for all concerned."

Meanwhile back at the funeral, people were starting to regain their composure. Raskar peered down the smoking crater that was the hole Brad was supposed to be buried in, "Wow, that must have been a powerful explosion, where did the body go."

Celeste Yamaguchi blinked as she sighed, she blinked her eyes a few times to clear them. "Wow... What the hell happened?" she asked of anyone in range before she shook her head. "Oh.. I pissed myself," she admitted.

Tamara tried to brush off the dirt from her uniform. "I think this guy is dead." She pointed to Danger Bremer who was on the ground moaning.

Sternwald tried to sneak away but Hobbs spotted him. "What happened Captain?" She asked him.

"There was an explosion," Sternwald replied.

"I know that you simpleton, you were head of the honor guard and your body blew up. Bodies don't blow up like that. So what happened?" Hobbs asked.

"I'm not sure. It just exploded." Sternwald explained. "Don't call me stupid."

"I called you a simpleton, not stupid. I do understand someone with a meager intellect such as yourself might not see the difference." Hobbs explained.

"Don't call me stupid!" Sternwald yelled. "How was I suppose to know that some idiot would ignite the blasting caps?"

Hobbs raised her eyebrows. "Rather specific, aren't we?" She asked.

Celeste admired her wife from afar, she knew it took a lot to get Brianna angry but once she got there, it was often not a pretty sight and she was glad that she wasn't the one who had angered her. But then she caught the comment about blasting caps, she raised an eyebrow "Blasting caps?. What?"

Sternwald looked lost for a moment. "Well..." he stumbled. "Yeah, that retard told me he lost a lot of his equipment during the last operation."

Celeste narrowed her eyes as she shook her head, she could still hear ringing in her ears. "Argh, the truth will point to itself."

"Yeah, maybe we should arrest the little retard before he makes a run for it?" Sternwald asked.

Celeste sighed softly. "Arrest who?" the tall female inquired as she was able to finally focus on the conversation.

"You know, that retard engineer. He was the one who has to keep track of explosives." Sternwald tried to explain.

Meanwhile, Celeste slowly made her way over towards her wife as she rotated her jaw, one could easily see the blood on both sides of her face, coming from her ears. "You're confusing me... Why do we have explosives at a funeral?" she inquired in a gentle tone even though she had issues hearing anything.

"I think he is trying to put blame on Lance Corporal Carlton for what happened," Brianna told Celeste.

"That's right, you need to arrest that mental idiot," Sternwald told Hobbs in a tone that sounded like an order.

"First, I don't have that authority. An arrest would have to come from security. Second, there really isn't any evidence that Carlton is guilty. Third," Hobbs changed her voice to a more authoritarian one, "Your a junior officer and you had better remember your place."

"You really are stupid." Sternwald snorted. He then snapped his fingers. "Oh look, there goes your career. Maybe you can get a job as a stripper on that backwater cesspool you come from?"

Celeste's temper suddenly fused white hot, before anyone could stop her, she drove her fist into Sternwald's chest before she hauled off and kicked him soccer ball style, likewise in the chest. "Why you!." Celeste snarled. "I almost got killed because someone in here fucked up."

Celeste felt two marines gently separate her from Sternwald, she allowed them to move her even if they were much more massive than she herself was, it also didn't help that she was still bleeding from her ears. "Sternwald. You really need to watch your mouth otherwise you will deal with me. Do you understand?"

"You fucking bitch!" Sternwald screamed as he tried to stand. "I'm trying to help out because your bitch is too stupid to understand me and you just attacked me!"

Celeste smiled as she quickly pushed past her two marine minders, she grabbed Sternwald as she pulled him to his feet. "I didn't hit you that hard," she growled in his face. "You need to learn how to watch your mouth or you will answer to me."

"You don't talk to me like that!" Sternwald screamed. "You need to watch what you say or you'll be out of work and that half-breed child of yours will starve."

Celeste regarded him a moment before her gaze hardened to the point that it said that Sternwald was about to die. Except her blow was caught in the implacable grip of Werner who had approached behind Celeste a moment earlier.

"Let me go, First Sergeant," Yamaguchi commented softly. "Get this man a prize. I'm gonna fucking kill him!" the formerly pregnant female was now truly enraged.

"Yeah, I've already had my morning ruined by an explosion. I don't need to spend my afternoon reporting on a homicide." Werner explained.

"You're dismissed," Hobbs told Sternwald.

"I'm still needed here." Sternwald shot back.

"Leave now or I'll have you shot," Hobbs stated as she leveled a phaser at him. Sternwald had a phaser but it was only a ceremonial one. He didn't know if Brianna was just threatening him but his backbone failed and he left.

Celeste regarded Werner. "Sargent. Please?" she inquired.

Werner let her go and she slowly lowered her arm. She breathed in and then out again as she fought to calm herself. "Threatening me is one thing, nobody threatens my children," she said quietly. "Not ever."

"After that little display, I'm going to push to have him removed," Hobbs explained. "A person like him has no place here."

Celeste simply breathed in and out, forcing herself to calm down as she was still extremely angry. She nodded a moment later. "I need to see the Doctor. My ears hurt."

"Alright, let's get you up to sickbay," Werner told her.

"Thank you," Yamaguchi responded before she sighed. "It'll be nice if that ringing stopped. Then I could do something other than being useless." she sighed. "and dinner is ruined, whats worse is that I didn't burn it this time." Yamaguchi tried to make a joke except it didn't quite work.