The Nature of Forgiveness

Posted on Fri Mar 20th, 2020 @ 6:18am by Commander Ethan "Hardcase" Duval & Post Captain Hannah Mueller

Mission: Mission 98: Building Our New Home
Location: Various Locations - Starbase Vanguard
Timeline: 1200Hrs - August 1st, 2393

There were some rules about good girlfriendry that had to be remembered and exersized on occasions, Hannah Mueller was reminded of these rules as she was sitting across from her new boyfriend, Ethan Duval and he had been nothing but a gentleman with her in their half a dozen dates since they had started going out together. He had picked up the bill and had behaved with her, he had also shared a great deal with her, of his life within the last organization that dared to call itself Starfleet.

Mueller knew what bothered him and she knew she needed to help him deal with the old ghosts of the past that still tormented him, the two were seated in one of the Starbase lounges, having a small lunch together.

"Irgendwo tief in dir wusstest du, dass es falsch war, eine Stimme, die du nicht erkannt hast, schrie, dass du aufhörst. " Mueller explained in gentle tones. "Sie haben keinen Ausweg gesehen, da die Dinge so waren wie sie waren, sie konnten nicht geändert werden. Sie versuchten sich zu überzeugen, dass die Menschen, die Sie verletzt haben, es verdient hatten. Sie wurden taub von ihrem Schmerz und Leiden, Sie lernten, die Stimme auszuschalten dagegen sprechen." Mueller regarded her boyfriend as she spoke.

The Universal translator did its usual excellent work and turned it into Germanic-sounding English. "Somewhere deep inside you. You knew it was wrong, a voice you did not recognize screamed for you to stop." Mueller paused a moment. "You saw no way out as it was the way things were, they could not be changed. you tried to convince yourself the people you're hurting deserved it. You became numb to their pain and suffering, you learned to shut out the voice speaking against it."

Ethan sighed softly. "There's always a choice."

"In der Tat gibt es." Mueller answered in agreement. "Indeed, there is." the translator added.

"I chose to ignore it. I chose to do nothing." Ethan explained quietly.

"Aber du gehst hier und jetzt neben mir." Mueller answered in gentle tones. "Yet you walk beside me here and now."

"I walk here, and I cannot imagine the day when I will forgive myself for what I was forced to do in Starfleet's service," Ethan responded with a sigh.

"Weil es niemals kommen wird. Eines Tages werden andere versuchen, Sie davon zu überzeugen, dass sie Ihnen vergeben haben. Vergebung zu vermitteln ist für sie ein Segen." Mueller regarded him with a sad look in her eyes. "Because it will never come. One day others may try to convince you they have forgiven you, that is more about them than you. For them, imparting forgiveness is a blessing." the translator added as it did its usual routine.

Ethan sighed softly as he regarded her. "How do you go on?"

"Es ist einfach.", she huffed ever so softly. "Sie werden sich niemals vergeben. Akzeptieren Sie es." Sie hat hinzugefügt. "Du verletzt andere, viele andere, das kann nicht ungeschehen gemacht werden." Sie machte einen Moment Pause. "Sie werden nie eine persönliche Vergeltung finden, aber Ihr Leben muss nicht enden. Das, was richtig, gerecht und wahr ist, kann sich noch durchsetzen. Wenn Sie nicht für das kämpfen, woran Sie glauben, können alle für alle anderen verloren gehen Kämpfe nicht für dich selbst, kämpfe für andere, andere, die durch deine Anstrengung gerettet werden können. "

Mueller regarded Jefferson in silence, her eyes shone with her sadness. "It is simple." Mueller started. "You will never forgive yourself. Accept it." she added. "You hurt others, many others, that cannot be undone." she paused a moment. "You will never find personal retribution, but your life does not have to end. That which is right, just and true can still prevail. If you do not fight for what you believe in, all may be lost for everyone else. But do not fight for yourself, fight for others, others that may be saved through your effort."

Ethan wasn't looking at her or even his food, his mind was elsewhere and the look on his face said as much. "Ethan?"

Duval blinked as he came back to himself. "Yeah. I'm here. Such as I am." he paused. "What did I miss?"

"Nichts, du hast alles mitbekommen, was ich gesagt hatte.." Mueller smiled as she regarded him, the effect had been exactly what she had hoped it would be. "Nothing, you caught everything I had said," Mueller answered.

"Okay. You should know that Admiral Lasky recommended I see a therapist for my issues."

"Ich bin nicht überrascht, aber warum einen Arzt aufsuchen, wenn Sie mich sehen können. Ich bin besser, probiere es und sehe es." the german female answered with a smile. "I'm not surprised, but why see a Doctor when you can see me. I'm better, try me and see." the translator did its usual job.

Duval smiled as he regarded her. "Very well then." he commented. "I will try you, as you put it."