The Experience of Fear

Posted on Wed Mar 18th, 2020 @ 3:23am by Division Admiral Celeste Yamaguchi-Hobbs & Lieutenant Colonel Tienn Nerra

Mission: Mission 98: Building Our New Home
Location: Yamaguchi-Hobbs's Quarters - Starbase Vanguard
Timeline: 1800Hrs - June 17th, 2393

Balin looked around the large accommodations as he noted all the children hanging out and having a good time, all twelve of them from both families. Jackson was the center of the attention as usual and Tienn was helping Brianna Hobbs with the food while K'taro looked after the children as he did by telling them all a story, one of his usual about honor, they all sat as they watched and listened with rapt attention, hanging on his every word.

Celeste was absent as Balin needed a moment so he slipped into one of the other rooms when he quickly realized his mistake which manifested in two ways. He quickly realized that this was the master bedroom and the second appeared only moments later when the door to the bathroom opened and out walked Celeste with only a towel around her neck and nothing else. Yamaguchi-Hobbs regarded Balin. "Are you alright Balin?" she inquired in a gentle tone of voice as she stood before him in the nude as she dripped wet from the shower she had just finished. She did not look surprised in the slightest to see Balin standing before her and she made no effort to wrap the towel around her form as she stood before him, motionless.

"I.. ahh umm... I'm sorry Captain. I shouldn't be in here." the tall Caitian stammered as he turned away.

Yamaguchi-Hobbs smiled as she placed her towel on the bed. "Balin. It's okay. My children come in here often and its something I have gotten used to." she explained. "It's always a surprise but not a bad one." as she regarded the tall and large Caitian male before her.

Balin turned away. "I'm sorry, I didn't know you were in here. I.." he sighed softly.

"What's wrong Balin.?" Yamaguchi-Hobbs inquired in a gentle voice. "Is it me?" she inquired as she began to towel herself off, drying herself from the shower.

"I don't know how to describe it," Balin admitted in a soft tone as he turned back to face the nude human female before him.

"It's K'taro," Celeste responded, with a gentle finality in her tone as if she could read his mind. "He bothers you. Doesn't he?"

"I've been working on it," Balin admitted before he sighed softly. "I don't know how to explain it," he added a moment later.

"You don't." Celeste finished drying herself off before she donned her underwear. "I also should mention. I don't have a nudity taboo, Balin." as she faced him when she pulled on a pair of high waisted shorts which went a third of the way to her knees and then she pulled on a camo bodysuit which was colored several shades of blue. "So.. How do I look?" Celeste suddenly grinned at the Caitian male before her.

Balin turned his head back to Yamaguchi-Hobbs, he held his tongue for a moment. "Wow," he responded in a soft tone. "You look... great," he added.

"But you are still angry," Yamaguchi-Hobbs commented in a knowing tone of voice. "At how you were treated." Yamaguchi-Hobbs then stretched up with both arms as she let out a soft sigh. "Oh, Tienn told me all about what happened to you while you grew up." the older female explained.

"You don't know anything about what they did to me." Balin hissed angrily as he tried not to weep at the memory of it.

"Your right." The tall human female answered. "I don't but I know what it is to feel powerless, to know fear, terror, and pain," Yamaguchi-Hobbs commented. "It wasn't K'taro who violated me and for that, I am most fortunate." Yamaguchi-Hobbs came over to Balin but she didn't touch him. "It was another Klingon who did the deed but K'taro is a reminder to me of that event."

Balin regarded her in silence as if seeing her for the first time. "I.." he stopped. "I didn't know."

"There is no reason you should know Balin, about what happened to me for I do not like to speak of it. Jackson is the product of what happened to me. I do not or ever wish him to know that he was a product of rape but he is still my son and the rest is irrelevant." before she gently took his large paw in her hands. "You still hate him."

"K'taro. No." he paused. "No, I don't hate him.." Balin said but in his heart, he didn't believe it.

"But you do." Yamaguchi-Hobbs peered at him. "Its okay, so long as you know yourself, of what your issues are. It was a Klingon who did this to you, its okay to admit that you hate them for what they forced you to do," she explained in a gentle tone of voice.

"But I don't know how to get over it," Balin responded. "I'm lost."

"You don't get over it," Yamaguchi-Hobbs responded softly. "But you must at least, forgive yourself because you did nothing wrong," Yamaguchi-Hobbs added. "Personal forgiveness is the first step but never lose sight of the fact that all of those Caitians are now free and living in the Federation," she explained.

"After what they made me do," Balin responded, a gentle hiss in his voice. "They used me to impregnate as many females as possible."

"I know the details," Yamaguchi-Hobbs said in a gentle tone of voice. "Nerra told me about that too. She's worried about you and I think she has good cause to be concerned." she paused as she sat down on the bed. "Let me put on my counseling hat for a moment." as she breathed out and then back in again. "Do you see yourself as her protector..?"

"I did but now I don't know." Balin paused as he was unsure of what to say on the matter.

"You might feel that you owe her a penance. For what you endured at the hands of those Klingons." Yamaguchi-Hobbs commented.

Balin paused. "I do!." he answered a trifle hotly. "I do. At least I can protect Edal, she's not my child but she is my sibling and any who harm her will face my wrath!." there was no idle boast or idle threat in his statement that Yamaguchi-Hobbs could see, he meant every word and he was deadly serious about his charge.

"Does Nerra know about this?" Yamaguchi-Hobbs asked in a gentle tone.

"Mom does, she knows that I look after and protect all the others under her care," Balin explained in a soft tone of voice.

"But she should be looking after you, not you doing it for her."

"She does look after me, mom keeps me safe from harm. K'taro helps but.." Balin sighed softly. "I'm so used to looking after younger children that Its something I doubt I'll ever be free of."

"I know," Yamaguchi-Hobbs answered. "How old are you Balin?" she inquired.

"I am sixteen as you humans reckon my age," he responded.

"You are very young, to carry this burden," Yamaguchi-Hobbs answered in a soft tone. "I understand why you hate them."

"They used me as a brood stud and then there is what they did to my mother. They murdered her, skinned her and fed her body to us as food." Balin explained. "Its why I always insist on vegetables and no meat." Balin paused. "I don't know what happened to my siblings... If any of them live."

"My God," Yamaguchi-Hobbs answered. "Okay, well here is what I'll do. I'll talk to a few friends and see what I can turn up."

"Just like that?" Balin answered.

"Balin. You are young and you still have a chance to do something productive with your life, joining Starfleet will be a great help to you." Yamaguchi-Hobbs then shrugged. "Or you may find something else for your efforts as not everyone wants to join Starfleet, there are a lot of other career paths open to you."

"My education is my weakest point." Balin sighed softly.

"Then work on it. Get Tienn to help you if she isn't already and abuse the base computer too. That's what its there for." Yamaguchi-Hobbs smiled.
"Besides. Out here in the Taurus Reach, we have a lot of space to grow and do as we please."

Balin nodded. "I guess so."

"Alright, well come on, let's go outside and see what everyone else is up to," Yamaguchi-Hobbs responded. "I don't want Tienn worrying as to where you have gotten off to." and with that, she gently grasped his shoulders and gently walked him out the door and back into the main living area where Brianna and Tienn were both discussing the finer points of home cooking versus replicated food, that debate would never end and Celeste knew that this debate would get ugly before it ended. K'taro was nearby with over a dozen children hanging on his every word regarding a story he was telling them. Yamaguchi-Hobbs turned to Balin. "Go on over and join the others, let K'taro know you want to hear the story. I'll go pester those two." she indicated the other women having their argument.

Yamaguchi-Hobbs watched as Balin went over and sat down on the floor next to the other children as she moved over to quell the argument. "Ladies, please?" she inquired with a smile. "Okay, now lets cook dinner."