The Idiot and the Priest

Posted on Sat Mar 7th, 2020 @ 5:26am by Lieutenant Colonel John "Hammer" Burgoyne & Commander Rachael Falanner
Edited on on Sat Mar 7th, 2020 @ 5:26am

Mission: Mission 72: T'Would Ring the Bells of Heaven
Location: Zekarria
Timeline: 0900 - Mar 28th 2392

Technician Bae Lajosse, PFC Brikrapa Perfraudulence, PFC Fap Labrosse and Crewman apprentice Kosdumph mitch where all standing in the transporter room, awaiting their punishment detail. They would be helping out the Chaplain today, however one man whom was supposed to report, James bremer, wasn't present.

Lt Commander Rachael Falanner was not in a forgiving mood as she glowered at the assembled peons but she held her silence as the apointed time came and yet, however they were still one shy. "Where is .... James Bremer?" he inquired of the security officer.

The security officer simply tapped his combadge and made the inquiry as requested. "We don't know sir."

"Alright... Where is the...Is this really her name?" Burgoyne inquired.

"Lieutenant Tabetha Buffington..." Falanner responded. "Yep. thats right.."

"Lovely."

Bae Lajosse let out a loud belch then passed gas that was so potent it could blister paint. Immediately Brikrapa complained and kicked bae in the shin.

Rachael Falanner's eyes instantly began to water as she sighed. "Oh.. god..." she whimpered as she turned to Burgoyne. "I'm Sorry Colonel." before she retreated outside the transporter room.

Burgoyne for his part was also having issues with the smell and he was special forces trained so he had one hell of a strong stomach. "Lajosse... You are a disgrace to this universe. Fucking hell man.."

Bae giggled like a small child only to have Brikrapa smack him across the face, causing him to growl. "You bitsch." He then swung at her, but missed and hit Fap Labrosse instead. Fap, immediately swung back and the fight started right there.

Burgoyne sighed. "Oh for fuck sakes..." he turned to the transporter Chief. "Beam all these assholes over to the Priest... She wanted them, well she can deal with this crowd."

"Gladly sir." and with that the transporter chief beamed the riot over to the other ship. "Thank you sir... Computer increase ventilation in here by a thousand percent... and flush that fucking stretch out of my memory!"

The door opened and Rachael Falannar peeked her head in. "Are they gone?"

"Yes Rachael.. The... fools are gone... for now." Burgoyne responded in a dry tone.

The four idiots where beamed into the chapel hall set up on the federation base at Zekarria. Hearing the transporter Tabetha Buffington came out of her office and looked at the new arrivals. "Ah good, your here."

The four redshirts looked at her while she briefed them. "Alright, we are getting ready for an upcoming conference on religious awareness, and I need you to help clean the place up and get it ready. Do you all understand."

The four redshirts nodded and Buffington handed them their list of task's then she left to go handle other things, leaving these four to handle it, However in typical redshirt fashion, within minutes, someone had to cause a scene. Bae Lajosse found a frog in the chapel hall, and put it down Brikrapa's shirt.

Brikrapa let out a loud shriek as she began thrashing around, trying to loose the animal that had been put down her shirt.

Kosdumph Mitch thought that this was deeply amusing as she bean howling in laughter before she turned her attention to one of the books nearby, she grabbed it and began reading it, only to find it was beyond her. "What is this crap!"

"eh who cares," Fap commented as he pulled out a bottle of moonshine from his backpack. He then took a swig and nearly immediately got buzzed.

Brikrapa peeled off her uniform top and undershirt as she threw them away from her. "Eww eww eww... horrid!!" she screamed.

Mitch laughed. "Idiot.."

Fap couldn't resist himself at the sight of a topless woman, no matter that she wasn't particularly attractive. So he waked up to her and promptly groped her breast saying, "Honk Honk."

Brikrapa gasped. "Oh.." she winced as she pushed him off of her. "RAPE RAPE RAPE!!!!" she began screaming at the top of her lungs.

Mitch sighed. "Shut up stupid!"

Fap took another swig of his drink while Bae found the holy wine," Oh hey look, Wine." He then grabbed a glass, poured himself some, and gulped it down.

Mitch came over as she grasped a bottle and began to drink. "Mmm... bland but.. good." as she polished off half the bottle.

Once all four of them were thoroughly wasted, fap decided to make a statement on what he thought of this conference. He picked up one of the Bajoran religious books and began to masturbate in it. Bae went to the bathroom, and finding there was no toilet paper, he came back out, grabbed one of the books and went back into the bathroom to use the book as toilet paper.

Mitch laughed aloud, now thoroughly wasted out of her mind, she proceeded to vomit all over the podium. "Oh... oh god... save me!"

Bae, being the douche he is, did not bother attempting to flush the toilet, leaving a complete mess all over the stall. Fap finished getting it on with the book, then he put it back in its original position. Bae picked up another book and finding a straw, he used the book to make spitballs, then he shot one into Mitch's face.

Mitch felt something warm and wet explode against her face. She then screamed loudly. "Eww ewww ewww!" she quickly swiped at her own face, trying to clean herself off.

Brikrapa pointed at Mitch. "Haa haa haa... Serves you right... Hmpth!!"

Fap then went and peed in one of the empty wine cups while Bae went up to Brikrapa saying, "Hey, wanna fuk on the altar."

"Mmmm.... Oh sueee..." she slurred her response.

Mitch went two feet towards the altar, clearly she wanted some too but she fell flat on her face.

While Bae and Brikrapa where in the middle of getting it on all over the altar, Tabitha Buffington walked into the chapel, and immediately, her Jaw dropped to the floor. Her face, then went red, then transition to purple, then pink. "WHAT THE FUCK, YOU FUCKING IMBECILES."

She then ran to her office, grabbed a yardstick, ran back out and started beating on all four of them mercilessly.

Mitch felt the yardstick hit her, she shrieked once in paion. "Fuck you." and with that the woman grabbed the yardstick, sending a surge of pain through Mitch's hand, but she wouldn't let it go. "You will NOT.... HIT.. ME!!!!!" she screamed before she belched in the priests face.

Buffington then kicked Mich in the face while Fap and Bae moaned and cried like children. Then when Buffington finished beating them, she then tapped her combadge with an angry growl," Buffington to Courageous, bean your four imbeciles back up to your ship, I am done with them."

Almost immediately the four of them where beamed up to the ship and Falanner and Burgoyne where called to deal with them.

Falanner entered the transporter room to find the four of their crewmen all lying, moaning in pain. "Do I ever want to know?" she moaned softly

Burgoyne sighed. "Pathetic.."

All four of them stank of booze. Fap was the first to try to get up but by this point he was so drunk he tripped and fell flat on his face. Then he puked all over the floor.

Falanner blinked, she was strongly tempted to haul off and kick one of them as they lay before her. "Oh for fuck sakes.." she growled, now getting angry.

Burgoyne commented. "On your feet!" he snarled to the four imbeciles.

For their credit, they tried to get up, but only Mitch could stay up, Brikrapa and Bae stumbles around while Fap's second attempt ended up in him face planting again, this time he knocked himself unconscious.

Mitch blinked as she shook her head. "Ummm Bitch ... rep...rep...reporting....I ummm...sir."

"You are all drunk on duty.." Burgoyne growled. "Oh fucking hell.... you... are... hopeless.."

Bae attempted to get a few steps forward but then he went crosseyed and passed out.

Burgoyne turned. "Beam these four losers to the brig.. and keep them there... forever." and with that he turned and walked out of the transporter room.

Falannar sighed. "I hate those four shitheads." before she likewise turned and departed.