When Did This Shit Happen?

Posted on Thu Feb 27th, 2020 @ 11:25am by Commander Tressa Brislan-Antilles & Jillian "Phoenix" Sullivan

Mission: Mission 17: The Drug-Dimmed Tide
Location: Various Locations - USS Roanoke
Timeline: 1430Hrs - December 18th, 2390

In some ways, it was good that Phoenix chose the officer's mess for her lunch and counseling session. The Green Dragon offered too many distractions, and to be honest, most people preferred the Green Dragon over the quiet, near-bare officer's mess.

Phoenix made sure to sit by one of the massive windows, away from other tables with a cup of cappuccino while she waited for her friend. Dressed in a pair of jeans and a tan t-shirt, she looked like she had just showered and crawled out of bed.

Tressa sat across from Phoenix and placed her drink on the table; a tall glass with chunks of fruit and clear liquid.

"Fruited water," she said with a smile. "Kaylee got me hooked on it. How are you today, Phoenix?"

"Shit," Phoenix answered quietly as she drank on her coffee. Her eyes had dark rings around them and there were small tremors in her hands. "Siaxx talked me into detox."

"That's good!" the counselor said, sipping her water. She watched the pilot's face for a moment. "Strange to have someone care about you, isn't it?"

"I asked her ta marry me a few days ago, an' she asked me yesterday mornin' ta think about detox," Phoenix spoke with a small smile. "I wish I met her earlier. Like durin' tha war. Might not of been such a lousy drunk with her 'round."

"There only two days in the year that nothing can be done. One is called yesterday and the other is called tomorrow. Today is the right day to love, believe, do, and mostly live," Tressa said softly, leaning forward. "The Dalai Lama said that many years ago, and that is what you must remember every day that you are in therapy."

"She thinks the best way ta release my anger is through sex," Phoenix half-grinned, but shook her head. "It's fun, don' get me wrong, but it's also not really cure. Cause I still get mad when folks wanna harm my kin."

"We are going to explore ways to prevent anger. Have you tried the video exercises I prescribed since we last spoke? I would like for us to try the meditation technique the next time we meet in private. "

"I haven't had time to meditate, given I had ta watch over Rachael for Torilla," Phoenix spoke almost offensively, then backtracked some. She had to force herself to calm. "...But I can try ta meditate."

That's when Phoenix's hands started to shake some. From withdrawal. She covered it easily by place them in her lap rather casually.

"Does Siaxx have you on Anthehol? I can give you a shot if you'd like, it will help you."

"We tried..." Phoenix frowned at that and forced herself to drink on the non-alcoholic coffee. "In the end I'm allergic to it. So we're goin' at it cold turkey."

"That's the hard way for sure but considering your medical history I'm not surprised by the allergy. The first two days are the hardest, but then I know how tough you are."

"I have ta do it for her," Phoenix spoke with a sigh of guilt. "She wants kids an' havin' a drunk in tha house aint a good thing. So I'm makin' myself go through it, for her."

Tressa nodded. "How have you been spending your time lately?" she asked.

"Siaxx has got me ta reconnect with paintin' stuff again. An' Rachael an' I hit the simulators when we can ta pass tha time. Occasionally Boomer will bring me in for Air Group command decisions and the like," Phoenix spoke, drank on her coffee again, and shrugged, "Visiting Torilla a lot too. Since we're both in a similar situation."

"I'm glad you're staying busy. I know Torilla and Rachael have been through a lot lately too, its good to maintain relationships with other people, Phoenix." Tressa watched her for a moment. "Have you seen Kurzkai since she was released from Sickbay?"

"Been too busy, really." Phoenix did not want to see the Cardassian. It was an evil thing that should be taken to a river and drowned, in her eyes.

"Are you familiar with the term 'holocaust,' it is an old word."

"A travesty of what happened in one of Earth's world wars," Phoenix nodded.

"It refers to the massacre of a people, usually for religious or personal reasons. Genocide is another term for the same thing. Such killings happened often on Earth. Humans can be very xenophobic," Tressa said.

"It's somethin' the Cardassians are well versed in too," Phoenix countered deftly. "You want me ta see that my loathin' of their race is wrong. But fer me, I cannot lie to you just to get ya ta say I'm not crazy. Because you haven' watched them kill your family or destroy your world. You haven' witnessed their need ta wipe us out."

Phoenix left that statement to hang. Of course, there was some anger there, but not at Tressa.

Tressa leaned forward. "It is the hatred of a people that perpetuates the problem," she said, searching Phoenix' eyes for understanding. "The people who hurt your family, who waged war, the people who ordered the atrocities, they were wrong." The counselor took a deep breath. "Tamtha Kurzkai was raised in the Federation since she was a child. She has had to suffer hatred for the things her people have done all of her life. Wrongs never committed by her, crimes she never took part in."

"What I need you to understand is that your anger does not help your cause, and it does not revenge you or your family. There is no nobility, no higher cause. Your anger...and hatred... only hurt the innocent. A woman orphaned and raised by humans in human society... Siaxx...."

"Oh that's a low blow," Phoenix huffed, her eyes watery from the memory of hurting her betrothed. "Ya don' know how much pain I feel an' that I can never be at peace with what I did ta her."

"I know you never want to do that again, that is why we must begin here. We must face your deepest feelings so that we can explore, together, how to overcome your anger. No more innocent blood on your hands, Phoenix. No more."

The need to drink got it's strongest in that moment. And Phoenix fought very hard against it. Her tremors in her hands shook even more as that craving hit.

"I will never hug that Spoonhead, just ta satisfy folks about my sanity," Phoenix spoke quietly and firmly. "She shoulda been drowned when the Feds found her. An' her nasty, cruel attitude with me is proof of it. Ya can' tame a lion ta be a house cat."

Tressa held her breath for a moment, containing her frustration. Ok Tres, back to square one...

"You've used the word 'sanity' before, Phoenix. Is that why you think you're here? You think your sanity is in question?"

"I think the ship thinks I'm nuts," Phoenix answered very soberly. "An' I know cause of it, Tane's got me doin' counselin' an' took my wings away."

"So let's switch places. You are the counselor, I am you." Tressa slumped forward slightly and dropped her chin, eyeing the pilot. "What makes you think I'm crazy...." she said, her voice low.

"You're not," Phoenix answered honestly. "You're tha most level-headed gal I know."

"What makes you say that? I beat a Spoonhead for no reason, is that level-headed?"

"She threw insults at me an' family, an' called me a terrorist," Phoenix finally spoke. She was yelling too, along with shaking terribly from the DTs. "Fuckin' Spoonhead got what she deserved an' I wont be told otherwise."

And now Phoenix really wanted to drink, which caused her much pain, just thinking on it.

"No I did!" Tressa shouted at her. "I picked a fight and gave her what she deserved! Now you have me spinning wheels instead of leading my wing, WHY??"

"I'm done here," Phoenix stood up. Annoyed and really wanting to drink because of it. "You want me to say I'm wrong. An' I wont. I wont. So we're done."

Tressa hung her head. How can I get through to her? Why does she have to have an enemy? Is that the problem...? The counselor watched Phoenix for a moment, then nodded her head in farewell.

"Phoenix, I bid you peace."