Motherhood Is Scary

Posted on Thu Feb 27th, 2020 @ 8:35pm by Commander Tressa Brislan-Antilles & Jillian "Phoenix" Sullivan

Mission: Mission 26: Points of Divergence
Location: Various Locations - USS Roanoke
Timeline: 0800Hrs - February 10th, 2391

Phoenix had good days and bad days. Both emotionally and physically. And sometimes those bad days had both types of problems. This was one of those.

The CAG's back ached and she could barely keep anything down. Thus Nalla had ordered a dextrose hypodrip. On top of that, the terror of Aryssa coming aboard soon, and having to deliver two kids she would rather be rid of? It more than depressed her.

When Phoenix heard her friend come into the room, however, she did smile. Relief. She did not like being alone all that much.

"Counseling session? Or is this a friendly visit?" Phoenix asked with a half-smile.

"It is whatever you choose, Phoenix," Tressa said warmly.

"Your family get sick durin' that outbreak?" Phoenix asked with concern.

The counselor sat on the chair next to Phoenix's bed. "Fortunately no, the children were in school at the beginning of the outbreak and were secured; none of their classmates became infected."

"Too many folks were either carriers or infected," Phoenix spoke as she sat up more comfortably against her pillows. "Because I was brigged for dumping cat excrement in the CO's fighter, I was tha only one not at risk... Kinda wish I were so I didn' have ta carry these things for Torilla."

"Pregnancy becomes you," Tressa said with a smile. "I've never seen you... glowing..."

"Aryssa's commin' soon," Phoenix noted almost stoically. "I passed her off to my mom 'cause I had to fight a war. An' my folks never pressed me to take her back an' I didn't press either... 'Cause I didn' think she'd wanna know her real mom's a monster."

"Not a monster, Phoenix, a woman," Tressa said warmly. "How are you feeling?"

"Like someone just put a shit load of responsibility on me that I aint ready for," Phoenix answered nervously.

"I can relate to that, I remember having two five-years dropped on my doorstep," the counselor said with a laugh. "This is bigger, and a change for you, but without change we cannot grow."

"I'm an alcoholic..." Phoenix sighed, then stood up and walked over to Dora's dog bed, where she was napping. The pilot picked her puppy up and carried her gently over to her bed, where Phoenix caressed the fussy pup. "What if I fall off the wagon again?"

"Then you will seek help, immediately, because it is the right thing to do," Tressa said gently.

"I always screw up," Phoenix sniffed. "I dunno why I do."

"Not true, you are well known as a skilled pilot, you have been in a relationship for some time, you are a survivor...."

"I often wish I never survived the Border Wars," Phoenix admitted bitterly. "Because tha only good thin' I have right now is Siaxx. An' sometimes that don' feel like enough."

"What do you feel is missing?" Tressa asked.

"Dunno..." Phoenix shrugged. "She makes me happy. Happier than I've ever felt. But sometimes shit just happens an' it aint enough."

Tressa sat back in her chair. "Trust, communication, and respect.... you need all three for a healthy relationship, that's what my father used to say," she said softly. "I remember how devoted he was to mom, and how broken he was when she died. I always wondered if I would ever love someone so much...."

"I think you do," Phoenix spoke and actually smiled when she turned to Tressa. "You got Boomer."

The counselor regarded Phoenix for a moment, returning her smile. "Tom and I..... perhaps," she said. "We care for one another, but love takes time to grow. I suppose time will tell."

"Siaxx an' I fight sometimes... Still love eachother no matter what," Phoenix stated, and went back to petting her puppy. "But lovin' a kid is a bit different than lovin' a spouse... I mean, I care for Aryssa, but I fear I just don' have the skills needed ta raise her so she's not stupid in life."

"She has your example, you have to trust her judgement," Tressa said. "Kids are smart, smarter than we think sometimes," she added warmly.

"She's not smart," Phoenix frowned. "She don' like ta study. Thinks she don' need ta learn ta read ta make it big in the pro holo-sports arena."

"Is that what she wants to do?"

"It is," Phoenix noted regrettably. "She's not thinkin' ahead an' I don' want her ta be an idiot for life, because of some injury that may keep her out of makin' her dreams."

"If that is her passion it will be difficult to dissuade her. Maybe she could do well in sports," Tressa said. "Of course she shouldn't abandon her studies either."

"Ya wanna play checkers?" Phoenix offered, for she longed for a distraction.