Ironhide

Posted on Mon Feb 24th, 2020 @ 2:14am by Commodore Siaxx "Bluemoon" Dvald-Vaxx MD & Jillian "Phoenix" Sullivan

Mission: Mission 10: Holding on and Letting Go
Location: Various Locations - Starbase 400
Timeline: 0200Hrs - December 21st, 2389

It was very late, around midnight and Lieutenant Siaxx Dvald was up very late. She couldn't sleep as she had not been sleeping well the last few days, the situation on the USS Yorktown pissed her off but everything since then had been adding to it again and again and now she almost couldn't cope with her own rage.

She had climbed out of bed a short time earlier, leaving Phoenix alone to sleep as she decided to call her family. She sighed softly as she knew that Torilla was right, she had assaulted her best friend not once but twice and she knew just once was unforgivable but she was now so angry all the time and she had no idea of what to do about it.

Talking to her brother and sisters had been of little help since she hadn't talked to any of her family in over a year. So now she was talking to Renee Mitchel from the USS F. Scott Fitzgerald. The two used to be a couple before both realized it would never work as Bolian's had compatibility issues with humans, this could be resolved with medical assistance but Siaxx had been hoping to start fresh here on Starbase 400.

For a time she had been able to live in harmony but now she was facing another character test as Renee had worded it 'sometimes Siaxx we can't be prepared for everything that comes our way... the true test of character is in how we meet and deal with the unexpected. You know this... Captains Reyth and Prentice both taught you this..."

"Yeah... I need to deal with my problems...."

"What's the matter?" Renee inquired as she crossed her arms over her uniform top. She raised an eyebrow as Siaxx launched into her explanation, she had no idea that Phoenix was there standing at the doorframe as Siaxx poured her heart out to her old flame-turned-friend and trusted advisor.

There were few who Siaxx honored with the title "Friend" and fewer she honored with "Trusted." as she sighed softly.

"Sounds like the two of you need to go have a heart to heart... just the two of you... you need to bring this to her and not me..." Renee smiled. "though... I appreciate that you trust me enough to tell me....but Siaxx... you are too impatient for your own good.."

Siaxx suddenly turned her head as she thought she heard something.

"You have company... I should let you go tend to it..." Renee commented softly as she quickly terminated the transmission, plunging the room into darkness and leaving Siaxx alone. "Phoenix?" she asked the silence. "Is that you?" the question sounded ridiculous but considering the nature of the situation, she had to ask.

Phoenix had a swollen face from sleeping a while, and stood calmly in her black sports bra and matching boy briefs. The panic attack from earlier in the day left Phoenix feeling drained both physically and emotionally, to the point all she did after coming back to Siaxx's quarters, was sleep.

"Yeah," Phoenix finally answered with a scratchy throat and walked over to the burgundy recliner and sat in it. It was the only piece of furniture of Phoenix's that ended up in Siaxx's quarters, mostly for the pilot's comfort.

Siaxx turned her head as she looked into the darkness from where the voice came from before she tripped over something as she grunted. "How do you see in the dark... I can't see anything.." she sighed. "computer raise lighting by ten percent." she commented as she watched the lights start lighting up.

"I learned 'at back durin' the Spoonhead-Fed War," Phoenix answered quietly, and flinched a bit from the brighter light setting. Then she reclined in her chair and turned on her side so she could look at Siaxx more clearly. "Was never my intent ta make ya feel helpless," the pilot finally spoke, just barely above a whisper.

The stress she was under had finally begun to break Phoenix down physically and the pilot doubted she had the energy to fly for a while.

Siaxx slowly sat down in the chair not far from Phoenix. "No... I'm demanding too much.." she sighed softly. "Bolian females tend to be overprotective of those we care about.... I can't escape my biology." she sat back. "Torilla tried to tell me I was holding on too tight..... and I hit her for it..." as she closed her eyes. "I'm sorry...."

"Bolians matin' groups are for life...." Phoenix acknowledged with a nod. "You say you want ta take it slow, but ya don' really, I'm guessin', from how ya wanted ta rip Tressa apart. Right?"

She had to know, because Siaxx just seemed too protective of her. In ways that did not entirely make since to Siaxx's claims of going slow.

"I had no idea it would happen so fast..." Siaxx admitted. "But... you're right..." she sighed softly. "I wanted to ease myself into this relationship... not dive in off the deep end..." she admitted. "and I can't ask you to change who you are... but I have been very selfish where you're concerned..."

And now Phoenix wondered if it was because Siaxx had fallen in love with her. To ask that aloud though might cause unnecessary ripples though. Thus Phoenix opted for a different set of questions...

"I like ya want ta help me with my problems, Siaxx... but most times ya want to fully take them an' solve 'em," Phoenix spoke very respectfully. Or at least it came out as such, given how exhausted she was. "I have to solve some of 'em myself if I'm ta stand on my two feet though. You get that, right?"

"Yeah.... I do." Siaxx responded. "I will...try better to reign in my natural tendencies to heal everything." she sighed softly.

"We gotta find a reason for this relationship then," Phoenix nodded, then yawned. Once she had finished, then she added, "Beyond tryin' ta repair each other."

Siaxx nodded. "Yeah.." she admitted. "so... we need to find a reason or we have bigger problems.."

"What do ya want in this relationship?" Phoenix asked her very tiredly.

Siaxx felt helpless and it was something she truly hated. "I.... don't know.." she admitted quietly.

It took only a moment for Phoenix to recognize her own desire... And it scared her. Without realizing it, Phoenix had grown to love the little blue goddess in front of her. Unconditionally. Yet she still feared a true commitment. Feared hurting Siaxx.

Try as she might to tell Phoenix that it was OK to have fun with men on the side, she doubted Siaxx would be OK with it while on the sidelines. So now that she knew Siaxx had become her first love, should Phoenix tell her?

No. It was too fast as it was and telling Siaxx would cause a number of other issues. It would possibly scare Siaxx away or make her even more territorial than Phoenix was prepared to handle. And all the other outcomes she could think of with this enlightenment to Siaxx numbered far more in negative than positive.

So what did Phoenix want out of this relationship, that would not cause a warp core breach?

"We've moved past being friends," Phoenix at last began as she stared happily into Siaxx's eyes. "An' I more or less live here now... So I am willing to try monogamy with you. Because you're the only one I truly wish to know an' hang 'round with."

Siaxx regarded the human woman sitting across from her, her luck with relationships in general had always been very bad and many had ended horribly and tragically.

The wreckage of them had left her unwilling to consider trying again and yet, she had still found herself involved in a relationship despite the fact she was trying to avoid it. "My luck in relationships has always been lousy... that's why I said go slow in the first place but... I blew that." she sighed softly as she suddenly released what it was she was feeling all this time, fear... she had been afraid but not of the other woman before her but what she represented.

"Alright.... lets try it..." she said softly as clearly she was willing to go all in if the human woman was.

"I want someone that's friend an' lover. Interchangeable or all at once, from you," Phoenix finally admitted. "An' someone I can hang 'round with too."

"You bring out the best in me...." Siaxx admitted. "Someone who lets me be me... without the angst that comes with it." she paused. "I guess I saw what it meant and I wasn't sure of what to do about it."

"Bein' honest with each other when somethin' bothers us is best," Phoenix spoke, yawned, then moved over in her recliner to invite Siaxx for a little harmless spooning. "I will try ta be 'round when you need ta talk... Sorry I didn' do too well with that at lunch though."

Siaxx moved to the human woman's side as she gently slipped her arms around the other woman's shoulders as she gently rested her head on Phoenix's shoulder.

"So what did it mean to ya?" Phoenix finally asked, once she felt both of them were relaxing.

"I felt wronged because of the rumors of what people say about you, its all shit.." she commented.

"Folks say stuff 'bout me all the time, Goddess," Phoenix explained, the mental exhaustion still apparent in her soft tone. "I broke bones when I brawled in my last postin' so I suppose I can' fault the folks here."

"Maybe.... that doesn't mean I need to like it." Siaxx admitted quietly.

"Beatin' 'em up wont change minds either," Phoenix countered as she hugged Siaxx soothingly. "Takes time for folks ta see me as you do."

"Yeah..." Siaxx gently held the human woman closer to her as she sighed softly. "and even when they see you as I do... the shit never stops." she was referring to the rumor mill.

"It's cause I'm Maquis. Not was. Am." Phoenix relaxed into Siaxx's chest a bit more as she explained, "Maybe not militarily no more. But politically. An' folks know that... I don' believe the Feds value their colony folk very good, unless they are colonies of major Fed planets like Vulcan. An' making such statements against the government offends the naive Feds on places like this."

Siaxx raised an eyebrow. "Bolarus is a major world in the Federation and they look after our colonies rather well." she commented. "Maybe what the Federation needs is a second Starfleet, one specifically developed for Colonial defense and patrol duties. Let the fancy ships handle exploration duties while the real workers stay and protect everything."

"That's what tha starbases close to tha DMZ were supposed ta be used for," Phoenix spoke with a wave of her hand in the air. As if to implicate SB400 was one such station. "Thing is... Spoonheads lie. Say they need repairs. But its spec ops teams they send in to tha colonies to steal shit we need to survive. It's how the Spoonhead-Fed War began. An' it's why the Maquis formed when the Feds didn' want ta believe us an' send station support to us."

"Spoonheads are full of crap." she responded.

"That's another subject," Phoenix spoke as she pat Siaxx soothingly. "Thing is though... I was born Maquis. An' not a lot of Feds like me on that particular principle. An' I'm fine with that most times cause they don' know Cardassians tha way you an' I do."

The Bolian woman raised an eyebrow. "A lot of the Fed's from the core worlds like this perfect version of the universe that they were born with... they call Earth Paradise.." she rolled her eyes. "Not every world is like that..."

"True... But I like the perfection image of us here, now, very much," Phoenix spoke happily, then let out another yawn. She had yet to discuss the toll her stress level was taking on her body, but that was due in part because Phoenix did not want to ruin the moment just yet.

"Yeah... one thing at a time." she responded softly as she had a feeling what the stress was doing to Phoenix as she herself wasn't coping very well either. "How are your wounds healing?" she inquired.

"More like an upset tummy, given what happened at lunch," Phoenix laughed gently. "I'll be fine in a few days or so... Not easy being caught in the middle."

"That was my fault... for being a moron.." Siaxx admitted. "Considering that people think of you as the villain of the base..." she paused. "but I have been too kind to them..." she looked at Phoenix as a rather evil smile crossed her lips. "Maybe its time I consider very carefully my choices..."

"The only rumors I care 'bout, are the ones where my privacy was invaded and colored into somethin' else," Phoenix explained to Siaxx, then kissed Siaxx gently on the cheek. "I don' really care about bein' the villain here. Aint done much in the past to change what people see - which is a drunken brawler that don' like people."

Siaxx closed her eyes as she sighed. "All my life I was the good girl of the group, always the one to worry about others even when they didn't deserve it. It's why I went into medicine... and now I wonder if it was worth the effort... I mean everything... my entire life... was it worth it?"

"You can' handle folks bad mouthin' me Dear," Phoenix began gently. "I don' think becomin' cruel and nasty ta folks, as I am, will suit ya. An' I don' think you can take folks talkin' 'bout you like they do me."

"I've always been the gentle type." Siaxx sighed softly. "Maybe you're right.."

"Gainin' more of a backbone don' mean ya gotta be a bully though," Phoenix tried to soothe.

"Well we saw what happened when I gained a backbone.... I turned into Miss Queen Bitch of the Universe." Siaxx tried to put a joke on it but it didn't quite work, at least she didn't think it did.

"Rule one is that ya can't dominate others. Ya just have to state ya don' like somethin' or you want somethin'. If someone bullies ya, then go to rule two. That states ya can be nasty, but only to the point of getting tha bully ta back off. That make since?" Phoenix said as she hugged Siaxx once more.

"Ahh... so be blunt and assertive but not to be an ass.." she responded. "Gotcha"

"Bein' assertive is sometimes the same thing," Phoenix winked. "But ya get my point."

Siaxx smiled. "Indeed... I do."

"We're gonna be all right," Phoenix affirmed with a kiss to Siaxx's forehead.

"Yeah... come on... we'd best get some sleep.... tomorrow is going to be another day at the office.." she sighed. "Tressa is going to want to yell at me."

"Given what she witnessed, can you blame her?" Phoenix asked in a quiet tone as she struggled to get out of her recliner.

Siaxx shook her head as she rose to her feet and the she turned and helped Phoenix up with almost no effort. "Nope..." she responded evenly. "We'd best get some sleep.... before I go face the music in the morning."