Replimat Chatter - Part One

Posted on Mon Feb 24th, 2020 @ 1:51am by Commodore Siaxx "Bluemoon" Dvald-Vaxx MD & Jillian "Phoenix" Sullivan

Mission: Mission 10: Holding on and Letting Go
Location: Various Locations - Starbase 400
Timeline: 1300Hrs - November 5th, 2389

Lieutenant Siaxx Dvald sat down across from the Major, her food in hand which had she been human would be extremely unhealthy but she was Bolian so she tended to metabolize sugars and fats much faster then humans did so she tended to have far less weight gain, she was wearing her regular duty uniform with the skirt rather then the pants as they showcased her muscular legs

"So... whats on your mind Phoenix?" she inquired "Your family is due to arrive soon... right?" she inquired with a smile.

"They are, yes." Phoneix smiled nervously. "I haven't seen them in a while. Guess I'm just worried."

"Well... I'm glad I already prepared, ahead of time.... the food is already made and just needs to be brought out of the fridge and heated up." the Bolian explained. "so... how long?" she inquired.

"Few hours," Phoenix smiled even more brightly. "Still trying to figure out how to explain to Mom why I aint look'n ta have a proper family."

"Don't." Siaxx responded. "Not unless it comes up in conversation." she added.

"Mom aint against same-gender. But she didn' really see me in that relationship," Phoenix added with a humored grin. "Can' say I understand it either, but I like ya."

"We take it slowly, one day at a time and see how things go..." Siaxx responded. "Sound good?"

"I'm just afraid I might have an urge to screw a guy. An' I don' wanna hurt ya," Phoenix spoke very honestly.

"That's why I said, take it a day at a time because I won't ask you to change the essence of who and what you are.." Siaxx responded. "You are who you are and I will not make you change for me, that would be downright selfish of me." as a smile spread across her face. "I may ask to join you and said guy though..."

"I fear commitment." Phoenix admitted with a very dry throat. "I lost so much that I fear being hurt again if I lose another that I get close to."

Siaxx looked at her, dark eyes filled with compassion as she softly smiled at the human woman. "Then we'll face it... together."

"Is it silly that I want to be cuddled by my mom, as I did when I was a child?" Phoenix asked sheepishly.

Siaxx raised an eyebrow. "No... considering what you and her have both been through.... that sort of contact is natural." the Bolian responded.

Relief hit Phoenix upon that answer, and then she smiled brightly to her girlfriend. "Well... Then I suppose you can call me Jill now, since my folks do. They don' really like that I only go by my callsign."

"Jill." Siaxx tasted the unusual name as she said it softly "I'm so used to Phoenix." she admitted. "it suits you."

"Jill was a name that had ties to a life that was ripped from me," Phoenix explained carefully. "When I got my callsign, I abandoned Jill as a means being able to fly the way I do - as someone with nothing to lose, and little to gain. So when people use that name, it reminds me that I still do have a family and things worth living for. Which most of the time, is a bad thing for a pilot."

Siaxx nodded her head, clearly understanding what the human woman was putting down before her. "and now you're not so sure anymore?" she inquired. "abandoning your name could be considered the same as abandoning your humanity..." she sighed. "you had good reason for doing what you did..."

"Oxly says I'm insult'n my folks by using a name I earned in the ranks of people that imprisoned my kin, than using one of birthright," Phoenix noted bitterly. "He's a former Maquis from our cell. Old. Wise. Bit senile now," she added at the end.

All the same, Oxly had a point. Jill was a wide-eyed, playful, honorable girl that fought for the freedom and justice of her people. A girl that would give her life for anyone of her kin... Now Phoenix was the persona with so much rage and pain to fuel her past her limits in the most severe of conditions. Pragmatic about the world around her, but very vengeful.

Such comparisons of who she was, to who she was now? Phoenix was starting to see that Jill had indeed survived her self-purging, the more time she spent with Siaxx. Jill and Phoenix were possibly merging? Or had Phoenix and Jill always been united, but unnoticed until now? Confused, Phoenix shook her head of such thoughts.

Siaxx looked at the human woman as she raised an eyebrow. "Penny for your thoughts?.... I believe that's the human expression."

"I read this book once," Phoenix began after a very long pensive. "About a boy that becomes a dragon rider. And he spends the entire book series really, looking for his True Name. The core of his being. The name that defined who he was."

At that moment, Phoenix ran her fingers through her hair in frustration. "I was given the name Phoenix because I often pulled my fighter out of burning, fiery messes. Or I created fiery messes... And I also thought it defined who I am as a person. One able to create a new life out of ashes an' now I aint so sure I am that gal anymore either."

"No... but you will always be you." Siaxx commented with a smile. "So long as you can be true to yourself...you will always find your way."

"I guess I just don't know who I am anymore," Phoenix spoke with a lost expression. "I thought I expelled that young girl I used to be. An' since being with you, I find glimpses of her, and yet it's not exactly as Jill used to be. Am I Jill? Am I Phoenix? Or am I someone new?"