A Miscommunication Trainwreck - I don't want to read Akurian

Posted on Thu Mar 12th, 2020 @ 3:57am by Senior Chief Petty Officer Duran-Yeager Syal
Edited on on Fri Jan 1st, 2021 @ 5:25pm

Mission: Mission 85: My Soul's in Arms, and Eager for the Fray
Location: Zekarria
Timeline: May 21st 2392

Anzan just finished up his last round of reports detailing everyone that he had successfully saved, then he sent the information to the Federation medical coordinator who was currently Rear Admiral Matilda Parks.

Petty Officer 2nd Class Richard Chao lifted a PADD. "Doctor. I have incoming messages for you." he handed Parks a PADD.

Matilda gave the petty officer a look as she took the PADD. "That is Admiral or sir to you, petty officer."

Chao regarded her with his eyes, he glared darkly at her. "Yes sir," he growled softly. "Anyway, you have mail."

"I can see that," Matilda replied curtly, as she looked over the PADD. However, the information was all written in some random language that she didn't have a clue what it was. It looked like scribble to her. So she gave Chao a stern look showing him the letter, "What kind of gibberish is this petty officer, is this supposed to be some kind of joke."

"No Admiral. It's not a joke." Chao responded lightly. "It's Akurian... I think," he added a moment later.

"Well get me a translated version," Matilda ordered as she thrust the PADD back into his hands.

"Fine." Chao snatched the PADD back from her before he got up out of his chair and went back to his office, tossing the PADD onto his desk and going back to his video game that had been playing earlier.

Chao's partner, a lazy, extremely narcissistic man named Moronold Drump had managed to place a thumbtack on Chao's chair just before he sat down.

The door opened and in walked Chao, he sat down on the chair before he screamed and jumped up. "What the fuck man!" he yelled at Drump.

Drump sneered at Chao," What are you bitching about, I didn't do anything. maybe you just strained your mangina."

Chao growled before he hauled off and punched the other man three times before he threw Drump up against the wall. "You fucking shit!" he screamed. "I keel you!"

Drump hacked up a loogey and spit it at Chao, he aimed very well as he managed to land it right into Chao's eyes. He then kicked Chao in the groin.

Chao screamed before he dropped to his knees. "Oooh.." he paused before he realized that if he didn't move then this beating would only end badly for him so he got up and promptly went at Drump for the second time. "I'm gonna fucking hurt you!" and with that, he smashed his fist into Drump's face before he drove his knees into the man's guts.

Meanwhile, a very dumb man by the name of Mike Perry walked in, and seeing Drump being attacked, Mike didn't bother to ask what was going on, rather he simply grabbed a chair, and smashed it over Chao.

Chao never saw the impact coming as he saw stars explode behind his eyes before he dropped to the deck, now out cold.

Drump coughed and staggered from the blows he had received, but one he had recovered, he was truly angry. Mike who was just confused, asked. "Um, what are we going to do with him."

Drump looked a nearby fish tank, which contained the Admiral's collection of pet tarantula's. So he told Mike "Grab some of those spiders' put them on him."

Mike nodded and clumsily retrieved several of the tarantula's and left them crawling around on Chao's face.

Chao slowly woke up as he felt small objects impacting onto his face and neck, he opened his eyes to come face to face with a truly hideous sight. Not one but several Tarantula's, upon realizing exactly what they were. Chao let out a loud ear-piercing scream at the top of his lungs before he drove the spiders off of him.

He shot up his feet as he pushed the last spiders off of him, unfortunately, several were hurt and one of them was killed in the process before he moved, accidentally stepping on a second, smashing it flat.

Matilda Parks heard the commotion and came out of her office," What the hell is going on here."

Chao jabbered something about spiders at her. Not quite realizing who she was, most of it was incoherent jibberish but he did say 'spiders..'

Matilda grabbed him by the shirt and growled, "Pull yourself together you little coward."

Chao instantly saw red before he hauled off and punched her in the chest as hard as he could, still terrified out of his mind.

Matilda screamed out loudly, calling for her security guards. A minute later two large security guards came in and pummeled the crap out of Chao.

Chao was lying on the ground, blood dribbling from various wounds as he twitched but otherwise didn't move. "Uh..." he moaned softly as he blinked, the pain was overloading his nervous system. "Get... off of... me... fucking.. loser.."

Matilda pointed at Chao commanding the guards. "Pick that up and throw it in the brig."

The Security guards nodded and started to drag Chao to the brig.

The Lieutenant who was presently watching the stockade regarded the four goons dragging Chao behind them. "Whats this?"

"One for you. What cell?"

"What happened?"

"He assaulted an Admiral."

"Oh Boohoo." The Lieutenant responded in a blunt tone. "He looks half dead, I'm surprised he was even able to lift his own finger let alone assault an Admiral. What did he hit him or her with?"

"Look, mate, stop givin' me and me buddies a hard time and what cell do you want this piece of shit to go into?"

"You call me asking questions as giving you a hard time. You will set him over there and wait while I call for medical assistance for him."

In response, the three men simply dropped Chao on the floor before they went to face the Lieutenant.

The Lieutenant wasn't having any of it as he looked up at the lead bruiser. "I will need your statement otherwise no cell. I want to know what happened to him otherwise you'll be looking at your own cell until we get this sorted out."

"If I refuse?" the leader growled.

"Then this could end poorly." The Lieutenant smiled. "I leave the choice to you."

The head goon gave the lieutenant a stupid look. After a couple of minutes of arguing the medic showed up. However the medic, a less than competent man named Carl, clumsily poked Chao in the eye with a hypospray while trying to administer a sedative. Little did he know that the hypospray was also loaded with the wrong drug, which was a strong hallucinogenic.

Chao screamed. "Arrgg. What the fuck did you ... do to me!" he whimpered as he clutched at his face. "My eye!"

The Lieutenant indicated the first cell. "Stuck him there and I want your paperwork." he turned to the goons. "Right. move along shortly. I also want your masters signature for this B.S."

The security goon grumbled as he filled out the paperwork. Carl having realized his mistake, slinked out of the room before anyone could pin it on him. After a few minutes, the drugs started taking effect.

Chao blinked as he began feeling something. "Oooh wee, that's... wow," he muttered before he began stripping off his clothing. "I'm too sexy for my shirt... too sexy for my shirt.. too sexy. YAH!" he began doing a striptease in his cell.

The security goons gave Chao strange looks, with one asking. "What the hell is wrong with him."

The Lieutenant simply shrugged. "Who knows.." he sighed. "Seems we get the crazies, simply ignore him and let it bleed out on his own." he shrugged. "But someone better do a quick physical. Make sure he ain't gonna die on us."

One of the other guards noticed that the medic had disappeared, "looks like your medic vacated the area rather quickly."

"Wait... the medic..." the Lieutenant sighed softly. "I wonder... if he slipped him something... fucking hell."